Many people consider his fight for free speech heroic. No doubt Stern (and others) opened up American television and radio to where many topics once forbidden are now openly discussed, especially those of a sexual nature. This is definitely a positive step. But we should recall that Stern did not achieve a free speech victory in public radio. It appeared to me that he was chased from public radio by the FCC and found refuge in a private satellite radio company. Whoever you want to blame, Howard was tossed even before Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" and the subsequent backlash that established the even higher fines for 'indecency' we have today. Although the FCC has been relatively quiet under Obama, it has all the tools it needs to censor and levy huge fines. The "public" airways remain firmly under government control. (And don't forget that Donald Trump is waiting impatiently in the wing, ready with lists of conservative judges and justices....)
I am impressed that Howard brought over his audience and grew SiriusXM to thirty million subscribers. I am impressed and delighted that he continues his free speaking ways. But these achievements do not a hero make.
Howard achieves hero status because he has taught an entire generation of listeners empathy.
To the uninitiated or occasional listener, Stern's show conjures a mean, vulgar "locker room" conversation. And if you catch only a few minutes at the wrong time, that is exactly what it is. The show's raw and uncensored nature, however, does not mean it is a free-for-all of indecent discourse. On the contrary, Stern is a maestro, carefully orchestrating a journey into the minds of his eclectic guests, quirky staff and his own jaded Long Island, New York raised brain with a singular goal in mind: truth. Keep listening and you'll begin to hear the music.
Be prepared though. Howard can be cold and disdainful. He is often angry and complains as a matter of course. He brutalizes some of his guests and his own staff even more. But whether Howard is in an angry mood or extra happy fawning over a female guest, Howard delivers from a position of truth and openness. He proclaims to the world: Here I am, a flawed man, oversexed, angry, jealous... yes, and then some. So, now that I've put my weaknesses out there for all to see, how about you? Are you the same as me? Are you better? Who are you?
Who are you? Isn't this the fundamental question we all have as we look around and wonder what the hell is going on? Who are you? And by finding out about you, I get to know a little bit more about myself. This is the magic of empathy.
Empathy seeks to understand, not condemn or condone. New listeners quickly notice that Stern accords as much respect to a prostitute as a movie star. He treats the drunk derelict as respectfully as he does a distinguished doctor. Everyone in his court is treated fairly. No one is above the law. Howard gives his undivided attention to everyone. He shows genuine interest. In return, they share their truth. Along the way, our prejudices begin to fade away.
On Monday's show, Howard and Lady Gaga conversed. (Howard no longer conducts "interviews;" Howard has conversations.) Howard deftly brought us into the life of someone somewhat alien to the male-dominated Stern audience. Of course, regular listeners know that he did this at her first appearance. After that first time, one listener after another called in to remark on how it "completely changed their view" of Lady Gaga. She's a regular now and a pretty good example of how easily Howard can break down walls with skillfully-applied empathic discourse.
Gaga credits discipline and hard work for letting her gifts shine. Howard too maintains a strict personal life: He is in bed on time, eats like a bird and keeps his drinking in check. He obsesses over his health in order to deliver the best he can for his audience. He sacrifices where others succumb to temptation. He's a paragon of the Puritan work ethic. Howard loves to share how hard he worked to perfect his craft: listening to himself, rehearsing, preparing... and living a healthy lifestyle all to ensure he could carry on for the long haul that he knew it would take to achieve success. And his practice paid off.
Herding the zoo of personalities Stern's cultivated over the years takes someone with a well-equipped communication toolbox. According to conflict resolution expert Bill Eddy, when faced with a "high conflict personality" (like just about everybody on the Stern Show to some degree) you should respond to them in a manner directly opposite to what they've come to expect. This is not easy. We instinctively want to fight or flee when we encounter "high conflict" people, and they are accustomed to being met with rejection or anger. Instead, Eddy teaches, show them "empathy, attention and respect." This tactic briefly takes them out of their normal high conflict state of mind, thus affording some time to communicate with them more reasonably. Eddy recommends you remember the acronym, "E.A.R.: Empathy, Attention, Respect" and apply it carefully. (You don't want to confuse empathy with approval or agreement, and you must keep strict time parameters....) Howard uses this technique expertly. To add this to your communication tool box, listen to Howard regularly.
I'm guessing there's no way to show it, but I believe Stern has reduced the amount of suicides, drug abuse, domestic abuse and drunk driving among his listeners. It's a bold claim, and I bet he would accept credit. Listeners know how much Stern likes to talk up talking down a would-be bridge jumper. Regular listeners believe it. Stern's symphony cleanses. His music teaches us that we are not alone, that many others share our same maladies, both physical and mental. Stern induces empathy in his listeners.
Empathy unveils truth. Truth reveals right and wrong. Howard's commentary has taught men of a certain age many basic notions of right and wrong, especially about how to treat women. Here again, the superficial observer sees Howard only denigrating and objectifying the opposite sex. But the long term listener recognizes Howard's love and respect for women. He draws men in with titillation, but leaves us with good information drawn out of women who trust Howard and therefore share with us. Sadly, men have few resources for real information. Most men learn very little about women from women. Even married men appear to suffer a shortage of truly open dialogue. And we get even worse advice from our friends in the proverbial locker room. Stern's ability to empathize yields truth... and men desperately need truth when it comes to women.
Empathy requires an open mind. Howard Stern changes his opinion when new evidence or better reasoning become known to him. Regular listeners know he's evolved on a variety of issues. He's evolved in some ways we would expect from a man with three daughters coming of age: Fewer strippers, more long-form interviews. More impressive to me, however, is that Howard changed his stance on an issue which tends to be less amenable to second guessing: the death penalty. Howard had always staunchly supported the death penalty, including making it a key plank in his run for governor of New York as the Libertarian party nominee. Regular listeners know he's a staunch "law & order" guy. In every controversial event, he gives the benefit of the doubt to the police. But on the issue of the death penalty, he came around to oppose it, noting, among other things, that a large number of people have been exonerated with the introduction of DNA testing. Howard has not only grown skillful through years of practice, but he's become wiser with age.
Howard teaches empathy by example. The journey is often uncomfortable and frequently awkward. He brings us into dimensions we sometimes regret. But we always walk away with a new perspective, and often additional wisdom too.
Is it possible that Howard could bring his wisdom, moral compass and hard work to the Presidency? Oh, that's right. No way. Howard has often stated he would never commit to such an awesome task. And, I'll confess, although Howard's my hero, I'm not sure if four years will be enough time for him to catch up on his foreign policy knowledge. It's as limited as you might expect from a self-described hermit. He makes Gary Johnson look worldly. We can only hope he'll learn to extend his empathy to the many people around the world who suffer from poor American foreign policy decisions.
For now, I'm satisfied that my hero can remain a radio D.J. and continue to do great things for our great country. Stern was apparently the only one in 2002 who could get Trump to answer directly (albeit half-heartedly) in support of invading Iraq. Lately, Stern has relentlessly skewered Trump for the infamous Billy Bush exchange. As vulgar as Howard gets, you'll never hear him cheer on uninvited pussy-grabbing.
To the untrained ear, Trump's locker room rhetoric may resemble Stern Show banter. But seasoned listeners can distinguish between words like Trump's, which appear to spring from a deep-seated hatred of women, and those coming from Howard, which emanate from a place of honesty and love. Even Rosie O'Donnell, a past target of some rough stuff from Stern, came around to celebrate him at his 60th Birthday bash. Meanwhile, Trump took time during the nationally televised debate to, again, take a shot at Rosie.
Howard recently provided the most eloquent rebuttal I've heard yet against those who plan to vote for neither Trump nor Hillary, but rather are going to vote their "conscience" and vote third party. Howard quickly called bullshit on this nonsense and decimated its reasoning. He correctly explained to his many listeners that a vote for anyone other than Hillary Clinton is a vote for Trump. Stern knows when to stop joking.
Howard Stern's life demonstrates that discipline and hard-work, infused with honesty, humor and a kind heart, can lead to great success and public good. So, while Howard's Presidency is just a dream, we can still hold his life up for admiration. He can be your hero. He's mine.
